Woman Says Husband Helps Other Women Without Hesitation but Neglects Her — and She Suspects Colorism

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but one woman says her husband has been treating her like an afterthought, and she believes colorism may be at the root of it.

The wife, who is Black, took to Reddit to share her frustrations after her Latino husband of 3½ years began showing what she describes as “signs of colorism” that never appeared during their courtship or engagement. She is the second Black woman he has ever been with, while she has dated outside her race for most of her life.

The trouble came to a head when she asked him about completing yard work he had promised to do. According to her Reddit post, he responded by comparing her to his Latina ex.

“He straight up just compared me to his ex who is Latina. Saying oh you’re always nagging me, my ex Nini would just let me be and don’t bother me like you do,” she wrote. “All I asked was when he was going to finish the yard since he didn’t start on it.”

The same day, their Latina neighbor asked if he could do her yard. He agreed without hesitation, completed the work that same day and did not charge her. A month later, the wife says he has done the neighbor’s yard three times—while her own yard remains untouched.

“I feel like he’s treating me differently because I’m Black,” she wrote.

She described a pattern of behavior that has left her feeling isolated and unwanted. They live in a predominantly Puerto Rican community, and she has noticed that neighbors interact with him more than with her. When she approaches him around neighbors, she says he dismisses her.

“When I come around him and the neighbors, he asks me don’t you have something else better to do like I’m not wanted,” she wrote.

But behind closed doors, she says he wants to be affectionate with her “like nothing ever happened.”

He has also removed all photos of her from his social media, she says.

The woman said she is “losing my patience” and wants to address the situation in the “most mature way as possible.”

“I intend to [speak with him]. Just want to approach this properly,” she wrote in a comment.

Commenters Side With the Wife

Commenters on the Reddit post were overwhelmingly supportive of the wife, with many urging her to leave the relationship.

“Don’t give this man another second of your life. You need to want better for yourself. This situation is beneath you,” one user wrote.

Another commenter echoed that sentiment: “Why are you worried about offending him when he’s treating white and Latina women better than you?”

One woman who shared a similar experience wrote: “Same dynamic as you: Black, married to a Latino, and around year 7 was when he started doing the same thing. We are currently going through a divorce. I am way too confident and in love with myself to ever justify staying with someone like that.”

Others pointed out the disrespect inherent in his behavior.

“He’s pushing you out and if he hasn’t already, will cheat. I’m so sorry. You can’t fix men who are ashamed of being with a Black woman because it’s a them problem, not a you problem,” one person commented.

Some also noted the potential red flags in his interactions with the neighbor. “What is she paying him with if it isn’t money?” one user asked.

A Desire to Work It Out

Despite the mounting evidence that her husband may have already checked out of the marriage, the wife remains open to reconciliation. She told a commenter that she spoke with him recently and he is open to counseling.

“Im willing to work it out because if after counseling doesn’t work, im gone with the wind,” she wrote.

However, others urged her to take immediate action rather than wait.

“You need to come up with a list of outcomes that you expect counseling to achieve. What behaviors need to change? What do you need more or less of? In what amount of time is change expected?” one commenter advised.

The wife acknowledged the difficulty of the situation but appeared to be taking the advice seriously.

“Trust and believe I am taking heed to every single comment on my post. I appreciate your wisdom and advice,” she wrote.